Prepping for 1.11.2020

I haven’t really written in this blog since New Year’s Eve… my bad. Talking to my therapist has been helping a lot – it’s nice to have a sounding board who isn’t biased and influenced by religion like majority of the people I know. The more I talk to her the more I realize how many things I need to do in order to better our lives (mine and Das’ no doubt). This also made me realize that some of my decisions may not sit well with some people, but I’m okay with it. I have to live my truth for my own sanity’s sake… and I need my sanity to make sure Das is taken care of the way Torey and I have always intended him to be taken care of: free thought and to allow him to make his own decisions to mold his life the way he wants it to be molded. 

I will be here for Das the way Torey and I said we always would be – the kind of parent that nurtures his heart’s desires while making sure he’s being the best he can be at whatever he puts his mind to. Das’ 16th Birthday is coming up on Saturday – a milestone Torey and I had been looking forward to for many years now (along with all of the other milestones in life). Torey had always striven to be the father he never had for Das:  

  • He showed unconditional love – he was open-minded and accepting of Das’ personality traits 
  • A true provider
  • Ever attentive to Das’ needs and wants
  • A disciplinarian (but yes, the man had his weaknesses when it comes to our kid, but so do I!)
  • A true guardian and a wall of trust
  • He showed so much affection 
  • He always encouraged Das in anything Das wanted to do 
  • Encouraged Das to be the better person in any given situation
  • Encouraged Das to always think about Mother Earth
  • Always there to give sound words of advice
  • He loved to keep Das grounded by poking fun at him and making sure Das doesn’t take himself too seriously

I mean … there’s so much more, but this was the gist of it so far!

Today’s post is about keeping all of this alive and ongoing … I will not stop our joint parenting efforts. I still talk to Torey like he’s here (whether in my head or out loud) – I still say stuff like, “Ummm … he’s YOUR son, you can’t be surprised with this!”

Every year I repost a note I had published on Das’ birthday back in 2011 and I make sure to post an update every year. I’m going to share this post here now … and I’ll update it on FB on Das’ birthday, yet again. Here you go:

The Day Our Son Was Born

Back in January of 2004, we lived off of Chimney Rock & Highway 59 in Houston… and had a very spacious one-bedroom apartment. I was big and pregnant, working at Arbitron while Torey sold Dish Network to all the new subdivisions in & around Houston. My doctor, Dr. Jackson, had told me the due date would be on Valentine’s Day (yes, my son IS a lovechild!)… the crib was bought, but not put together. I had plenty of gifts from my baby shower, but none of them had been opened or prepared. We figured we’d get to all the preparations at some point before the due date. Dr. Jackson ended up in going on vacation and Dr. Nguyen took over.

While I was pregnant, and before I knew the sex of the baby, I always referred to the baby as “he” or “him” … I wanted a boy SO badly! Nothing against little girls, Y’all, but I grew up with my brother who got me interested in cars, jets, and transformers … my Dad has always been an avid sports fan, so I had a love for football, basketball, and tennis … and while in India, my older cousin was a boy and we played cricket all day long … so the male influence during my childhood made it easier for me to get along with guys. Plus I have a lot of uncles on both sides of the family …. Please excuse my ramble moment.

Anyway, you get the idea!

Once we got the sonogram on September 23rd, 2003, I was ecstatic! Not only was my baby a BOY, but his facial profile was almost an exact replica of Torey’s profile! I couldn’t help wishing again, “I hope he gets those almond-shaped eyes!!” Torey’s eyes got me the first moment I saw them … Irresistible! (TMI? WHATEVS! This is MY story, thank you!)

Deciding on a name was actually really easy for us. We brainstorm really well together, so this process wasn’t difficult. Sure, growing up you think of “perfect” names you want to give your children, but none of those seemed to fit right for either of us anymore. We wanted something very special and unique for our son.

We had just watched Richard Attenborough’s “Gandhi” together – we had borrowed the DVD from a friend. We discussed how amazing Mahatma Gandhi was and how inspirational his legacy is. Torey got really quiet and asked, “How about Mohandas?” I thought about it … I liked it. A lot. It meant that our son would learn the virtues Gandhi taught to our world and he’d realize where civil rights leaders like Martin Luther King got their inspiration. Plus, the last 3 letters of Gandhi’s first name reminded me of my Grandfather’s nickname: Das. My Grandfather’s name was Prabhudas.

My mind went to work for the middle name and without hesitation, I said, “Malcolm for the middle name?” Torey loved it. It was an amazing moment. Mohandas Malcolm. A perfect ying-yang of ideals and philosophies. Das. Perfect! Mohandas Malcolm Mitchell.

On January 10, 2004, I spent my day with Torey and a few of my in-laws who were visiting us from San Antonio – they had just had a daughter, Ashley, 5 or 6 months prior to their visit. Since I never really dealt with babies, it was nice to be around Ashley (I got to change a diaper or two!) … Torey and his Uncle hung out that night (if you know either of them, then you’ll know how hardcore it got! Haha!) while I had dinner with his Uncle’s wife, Patricia, and Ashley. We went to Pappa’s Seafood and I had some kind of a shrimp dish. After that, Patricia dropped me off at my apartment and left to put Ashley to sleep in their hotel.

I have no idea when Torey got home, but it was late, he was … intoxicated and had a lot of fun! I was a bit jealous, but I knew I didn’t have to wait too long for a drink or two. Needless to say, he immediately fell into a deep sleep. I woke up around 4 am (my usual I-gotta-roll-out-of-bed-to-pee-time when I was pregnant) to use the restroom. Once I … handled my business … I noticed that my business didn’t look like it had stopped being handled! It was like a never-ending stream of clear pee! That’s when I had my light-bulb moment: my water broke. Uh oh. I didn’t panic and I didn’t run in to wake Torey up. Instead, I called my doctor. He told me to meet him at the Memorial Hermann Southwest Hospital in 15 minutes. I got dressed & held a towel between my legs (yes, gross, but I couldn’t think of any other logical solution!)

I went to wake Torey up and gently nudged him, “Torey, wake up. My water broke. We gotta go to the hospital.”

Torey is obviously still under the influence, and he responds with, “Honey, don’t worry. Let’s call the doctor in the morning. Come back to bed.” As much as I wanted to laugh I replied with, “Torey, I just talked to the doctor and he wants me to meet him in 15 minutes at the hospital.”

He immediately sprung out of bed and got dressed with the expression of, “Whaaaat?? REALLY!!???” on his face. I had no time to pack “The Bag” … you know the hospital bag with all your necessities? Of course not! This is happening way too early!

For the record, I must say: Torey was in no rush to get to the hospital. He drove the speed limit. His reasoning: “I’m already drunk and if we get pulled over, we’d have more trouble.”

My reasoning: “My contractions have started, motherf****r, they don’t feel good, and I’m STILL LEAKING!” (LOL)

We got to the hospital around 4:45 am, they checked me in and wheeled me to my room. I had already decided on getting the epidural shot and was going to have Das naturally. My parents and my brother were on their way from Fort Worth – I was SO anxious to see my Mom! She’s an OBGYN Nurse and I had always imagined her being there next to me at every moment of this big day, but Das decided not to wait any longer to come out. Oh and for those of you who are wondering if he was a pre-mature baby – no, the doctor (Dr. Nguyen) later said I had my calculations all wrong (well duh me!). Don’t blame me though – I was still having a cycle well into the first 3 months of my pregnancy so I had NO clue I was pregnant! Mother Nature certainly has her sense of humor, huh?

The pains from the contractions are unforgettable. They are nothing like anything I had ever felt before. You hear about women who have really bad cramps, but contractions make cramps look like the size of Earth next to Jupiter. But to be quite honest, mine were tolerable… I wasn’t screaming in agony – I just had to take some really deep breaths to get over them. No big deal. Really.

Torey was watching football and reading a magazine. Every now and again he’d share a story from the mag, and I think I kept giving him the “do-I-really-care-about-that-right-now?” look. Poor guy – he was still pretty hung over.

Around 9:30 or 10 o’clock that morning the anesthesiologist came in to give me the epidural. As a young girl, I had always been scared of anesthesiologists. Why? Have you ever read any of Robin Cook’s books!? “Coma” (good movie by the way!) was one, but “Harmful Intent” was the kicker for me in the hospital. Plus the whole idea of having a needle poked into your spine is just an insane idea! He kept missing the spot (uh oh!) and kept asking me to bend over more – “Helloooo! I am pregnant! I can’t bend over any more than I already have!!” is what I was thinking…. I have no idea what my expressions were at this point and I don’t really remember talking.

The nurse took a look at me and said, “You have to be the most stoic patient I’ve ever had.” I think I managed a smile at this point.

Once the epidural kicked in, the contractions were history. I remembered thinking, “If I can’t feel my muscles, how the hell am I supposed to push?” Weird.

One of the machines I was hooked up to started beeping. It didn’t sound right. The nurse and doctor hurried into my room and a moment later they said that Das’ umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. This meant having him naturally was out of the question. They had to cut me open.

Torey and I gave the green light to do what they had to do to make sure Das was safe.

My only thought was, “Do whatever you have to in order to make sure my son is okay.”

With that said, they wheeled me to the OR. (As long as it wasn’t OR #8!! Robin Cook reference)

I’m sure they gave me some more drugs even though I don’t remember when they did. The following events occurred only once in a time frame of 10 to 15 seconds, however, they were on repeat in my head for what seemed like 15 minutes to me:

They placed me on the operating table.

The doctor came and said something on my left.

Someone shook my leg.

The nurse came and said something on my right.

They placed me on the operating table.

The doctor came and said something on my left.

Someone shook my leg.

The nurse came and said something on my right.

They placed me on the operating table.

The doctor came and said something on my left.

Someone shook my leg.

The nurse came and said something on my right.

They placed me on the operating table.

The doctor came and said something on my left.

Someone shook my leg.

The nurse came and said something on my right.

I told myself I was officially going crazy … and then realized I was talking to myself. I literally calmed myself down (or maybe it was the drugs talking to me). I noticed a bright white light and thought to myself, “Wow… is this THE light? You know ……… THAT light!? Is this it for me? If it is, I hope Das makes it out okay… I’ll be happy if he’s okay…” In reality, this light was probably the BRIGHT light they had above the operating table! The funny thing is I never panicked. It’s amazing how your mind works sometimes.

As my thoughts were wandering, I heard a very familiar voice. It was Torey. He wasn’t talking to me. He was talking to someone else. Someone new. Someone precious. Torey had the sweetest tone of voice – so much more tender and loving than I had ever heard. It was a new tone for me. It was beautiful. So beautiful that it made me open my eyes and made me turn my head to the left. And… there they sat, my two most favorite men on the planet: Mohandas Malcolm Mitchell and Torey Mekhale Mitchell. I smiled.

Das was born on 01.11.2004 at 11:14 am. He weighed: 6 pounds and 5 ounces, and was: 19 ¼ inches long.

The drugs had me knocked out for a long time, so I didn’t get to really see him until later that night.

I remember holding him in my arms that night … all alone … just me and him. My heart stopped the moment he opened his eyes to look up at me.

He has those beautiful almond-shaped eyes!

What a BLESSING!

TMitch and Das

 

Das and I love you and miss you, Torey …

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.