Yet another “first” under my belt – a wedding anniversary without my T-Mitch – our 20th one at that. As you can imagine it wasn’t easy. Just anticipating the date two months ago made my stomach knot up and the closer the date came, the more anxiety came with it. The anniversary fell on a Wednesday and thankfully I was able to take the day off. I thought I’d be able to handle it since I’ve been working from home, but no … mentally I just couldn’t focus on anything since the Sunday before. (Thank you so much to my work Team for understanding!)
Starting Sunday night, I noticed I was regressing in my level of dealing with grief. I got back into the pattern of falling asleep on the couch and waking up at odd hours to find my way back to my bed. Yes, alcohol was involved, and I will admit it. This was the norm between the month he passed to about the end of spring of this year. I thought I got past it, but I suppose the anniversary was a trigger for my regression.
Did I look back on our actual wedding day much? Actually, no. I didn’t. I found myself reliving so many celebrations we had together instead. Spending time together is something we looked forward to on most days (unless we were fighting, but that’s normal!). Sure, our anniversary was special to us like most couples and on milestones like this we always found ourselves talking about how we met and how we felt at the time. It was always so nice to be able to relive those moments with him! He claimed I was “flossin’” when he saw me driving for the first time – LOL! Whatever, Torey!
The week prior to the anniversary the maintenance team at our apartment complex was getting the apartment above us ready for new tenants. They replaced their carpet and who knows what else – in the process of cleaning I guess they sprayed for bugs. I was “graced” by the presence of three GIGANTIC roaches and I haven’t been the same since. Thankfully, Das came to my rescue, but I did have to battle with one – running around with my broom and swatting at it to no success! Later, I found one in my closet and lost my mind! I had Das go duke it out with it and listening to him yelling at the bug was insanely hilarious and I wish I had recorded it!
Sorry, had to share all of this because it’s an effort to point out that I have been extremely jumpy for almost two weeks now! Anxiety on top of worrying about seeing another one of these monsters has been entirely too much! Before I enter any room, I run a surveillance by looking at every wall and corner of each room. Of course, I had them come spray our apartment, too, and I haven’t seen one since over a week or so (thank GOODNESS!). I was making breakfast one morning and I almost jumped out of my skin when the toaster was done! Yeah, I need to calm the f* down, I get it.
I could hear Torey laughing at me, “’Nita, you’re bigger than those damn roaches! They’re more afraid of you then you are of them! Just kill those damn things!” Yeah, yeah …. I knooowwww, but still. I’d rather not go anywhere near one – especially ones that are HUGE and can FLY. NO THANKS and yes, one did fly at Das while he was trying to kill it.
On another note, you may be wondering how we celebrated the special day. Some of you already know the thoughtful gift Das gave me! He went to Build-a-Bear and made a teddy bear with Torey’s voicemail recorded in its paw along with a heartbeat… yes, I bawled my eyes out when he gave it to me. At first, I thought the BAB on the paw and football it came with was supposed to be a reflection on one of the nicknames Torey called me: Babbs. A few days later I realized it was the Build-a-Bear acronym! LOL! That made much more sense because I thought they didn’t have room to add the rest of the letters in the nickname. Silly me.
On Tuesday I hit up one of Torey’s favorite bartenders of all time (location and name will remain undisclosed for privacy) and man…. She took care of me. I lost track of the name of each drink/shot she poured me. I remember the first one called “Oil Spill” … you can see for yourself:
On Wednesday afternoon we picked up a bouquet of flowers (the closest colors I could get to our wedding flowers) and we went to the parking lot to mark his last breath:
On Wednesday evening Das and I went to Pappadeauxs and had a nice, quiet dinner:
I appreciated all of the well wishes although I didn’t talk to most people that day. I think what I like the most from people is when they share their own moments they had with Torey. I wish people would do this more often because I know Torey is not forgotten. He’s alive in our hearts and the memories are worth sharing no matter what anyone says.
One of our friends, Eliza, sent me this screenshot today:
What’s funny is Eliza was a vegetarian at the time and was craving some wings and Torey is just going along encouraging her to eat chicken again! LOL! Typical of Torey – something my Dad would do, too!
A few days ago, my Mom emailed a dream she had on our Anniversary last week (edited):
He ran into the house with a huge smile on his face. He looked well rested with a clean shaved gundu [bald head] and a well-groomed face. His face was glowing. I gave him a hug and told him I was surprised to see him because I was. It was all so, so real. There were a lot of people and Das was there also. Torey was busy talking to everyone. Suddenly, I saw a baby, and someone asked me to bring holy water to bless the baby. Then it was time for Torey to leave. He came to me and said his bye to me. I was telling him to stay in touch. He promised he would, and the dream ended.
I am not sure if he came to reassure me because i was going through a rough time or he came to bid goodbye. I just wanted to share with you. Hard to believe he is not with us. Love to you and Dasulu. Please take good care of yourselves. God Bless you all, Momma
This was so sweet for my Mom to share with me and I found myself feeling comforted by this. For me I think the baby signifies a new beginning: a life without him and he came to reassure my Mom to say that he’s okay. Over the years my family got pretty close to Torey and it’s super sweet she was able to share this dream with me.
So if you have something to share in reference to Torey, whether it’s a memory/dream/image/thoughts, feel free to let us know… it only helps our hearts heal little by little.
We were treated by a short visit from our family in San Antonio on Friday evening and it was so sweet to see their smiles in person again! These kids are growing up too fast!
I know T-Mitch is all smiles right now … thank you all for your love and support.
#missyouTMitch #RIPChadwickBoseman (I know in my heart they’ve either met already or will soon … both gone too soon)
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