“Under the Bridge”

Torey and I are children of the 90s and Red Hot Chili Peppers were/are one of our favorite bands. Even though we weren’t drug addicts, we really appreciated their “Under the Bridge” song … we would sing our hearts out together while listening to this tune almost every time!

We loved it so much that it eventually became one of Das’ lullabies when he was born. The tune would immediately calm Das down and it was amazing to witness this!

Torey had moved to San Antonio back when Das was around three years old. Both of us were working full time and Torey had started to take Realtor classes on the weekends. One afternoon our plan was to meet at Chacho’s (if you know us then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about!) after his class was over to drink some ‘ritas and eat some Tex-Mex.

I woke Das up from his nap on that summer afternoon, got him ready, and placed him in his car seat in my two door Honda Civic. I had turned the car on from the passenger side, along with the radio and started the air conditioner on full blast.

I shut the passenger side door and walked over to the driver’s side to hop in and take off. The door was locked. Yes, locked. How? I don’t even know! I walked back over to the passenger side and that door was locked. I looked at every window to see if one was cracked to push the window down to get the door unlocked. Nope. I must have accidentally hit the “lock” key in the process of doing whatever I did on the passenger side… (smh!).

Panic set in. We were living with Torey’s Uncle Dave at the time so I had to wake him up for his nap (I felt awful about this, but I needed to be able to get to Das!). Since a running vehicle with a child inside was happening the fire department was called for safety’s sake.

Throughout all of this, Das was CHILLIN’! I leaned over to talk to him through the window – and he was swinging his head from side to side. Why? “Under the Bridge” was playing on the radio! That broke my panic-mode!

Torey wasn’t upset with me – in fact he was so proud of Das for being as chill as he was! The firefighters were really cool and let Das check out the firetruck. They called a pop-a-lock guy and Das was fine once they were able to unlock the car. Soon, we were all on our way to Chacho’s!

I honestly thought about breaking the driver’s side window, but didn’t because I was afraid of the glass hurting Das. I was thankful the AC was on during that hot Texas afternoon! I would have lost it otherwise!

Torey was chill about it – such a cool dude, man. No one will ever compare. No. One.

For all of you, Newbie Parents or soon-to-be parents – you can’t beat yourself up when moments like this happen. We’re all going to make mistakes as parents and that’s just keepin’ it real. I was pretty hard on myself that day, but luckily my husband was with me afterwards and he was able to talk to me to not just calm me down, but he helped me realize that we’re not perfect. “You can’t be perfect all of the time, Babs!”

You’re right, Babe. You’re absolutely right. #missyoutmitch

NFL 2020: Season Opening

So the NFL season has started … a moment in time Torey ALWAYS looked forward to: his predictions, shoulda’s, should-nots (mainly for the Dallas Cowboys, of course!) and SO MUCH MORE!

I know he woulda loved watched the season opener with the Chiefs vs. Texans. Although our son, Das, was born in Houston – he woulda rooted for the Chiefs because of Mahomes (much respect!). Torey watching TOM BRADY LOSE!!!!??? PRICELESS!! Sorry, but NOT sorry!

Yes, the Dallas Cowboys are a disappointment and he woulda had PLENTY to share. Das and I watched the first Cowboys game together this season. No, it wasn’t epic on the team record sense, but it was on other fronts. New traditions. Thankful for so much. Still missing T-Mitch, yo!

Here are some quotes from Torey’s social media from years ago:

Torey Mitchell updated his status:

The play calling down the stretch was horrendous, and Red J’s team is still not clutch! Today’s choke list includes: #TonyRomo #TravisFrederick #MorrisClaiborne #DezBryant #LanceDunbar #Billcallahan Come on you guys!!!!!!!
Sep 15, 2013

Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes!!!! #itstoosloppyredj
Sep 15, 2013

Bill Callahan will you please just throw Dez the damn ball!!!!!!!!!!!!! #whatthehell
Sep 15, 2013

That’s just a tid-bit … there’s SO much more and I’ll share when I can.

As for Das – he’s coming along like I am … we have our challenges, but we’re trying to make the most of life. Baseball is and always will be his/our love.

For me, I have figured out a way to earn some extra income on top of my full time job. I need the income to help make up for Torey’s. Many thanks to a special friend for the referral!

Das and I are: “okay…”

This was taken at J. Roby’s wedding a few years back.

Rambling Part I

I’m not even sure where to start. I thought I had it in me to write a poem about my feelings, but I don’t. I tried. Several times.

I suppose I just want to share the fact that there are random moments of some serious grief. It hits like a damn wrecking ball.

I always find myself asking, “Why the f*** did this even have to happen!?”

Tears are inevitable on a daily basis.

Moving on is something that’s just not possible right now.

I appreciate the love from family and friends – their concern is something I find comforting.

I’m sorry for not returning calls. I’d rather text/IM/email. Or ZOOM! haha! stark difference in preferences, right!?

I wish reality wasn’t the way it is … it’s just not fair and I can’t stand it.

I try to think about moving on and try to take a step into another direction but it’s just not in me.

I had a solo-trip planned to New Orleans next month (in honor of our 20th wedding anniversary as we had planned) – but I canceled it. I’m not ready. Too emotional and what’s the point of going when I know I’ll be more depressed than ever?

Plus … there’s CORONA-19 and I’ve been reading up on traveling with the pandemic and it just doesn’t make any sense to pursue the trip.

I really want to go to LA in December and spread some of T-Mitch’s ashes in the Pacific (as he wished), but it really depends on how this pandemic plays out the next few months. Plus Das’ baseball schedule – so far the schedule isn’t an issue so I guess we’ll see.

I miss him. Das misses him. You miss him. He was such a bright light. Like … you’ll never run into someone like him ever again. He was one of a kind – you can’t really compare him to just anyone.

Torey Mitchell | Belligerent Gus Blog
Photobombed by Das! haha!

Rest in Love, T-Mitch. Rest in Peace. Rest in Power. You are an amazing soul. Forever will you always be my one true love. Always. And as usual … I can hear you saying or texting, “Ditto, my love.”

‘Dem Dreams Tho

So some of us rely on dreams or other “encounters” to be able to relate to what’s going on. I have pretty vivid dreams sometimes and I had the following dreams within the past couple of days…

Chillin’

Torey and I were chillin’ in the living room, watching TV. We were on the couch together, but nowhere near each other. Intrigued by a new series, we decided to give it a go and during the middle of the second or third episode Das came home. It was a late night, but nothing out of the ordinary – well other than the fact that neither Torey or Das acknowledged each other. I think this was inspired by watching The Sixth Sense with Das recently (just sayin!).

I felt a bit confused, but went along with watching TV.

Das had decided to check out what we were watching with us, and he fell in love with the series as well. A few minutes later he decided he was going to watch the rest of the episode in his room and this was fine by us.

Once Das started the episode in his room – from his room – it was just too loud! LOL! On top of that, he was watching the same episode and his sound was literally 5 seconds behind our feed.

Torey didn’t even say anything to me. He just looked at me with that, “You-better-handle-this-shit-right-now” look. I acknowledged and ended up walking down a long ass hallway to Das’ room (in reality we don’t have that hallway!).

I opened Das’ door and found him on his bed … he was younger – 11 or 12 again! I stood there in a bit of a shock, but gathered myself and asked him to turn his TV down.

“Aw man! Okay, Mom…” he responded as he rolled his eyes at me.

I went back to take my place back on the couch in the living room.

The room was empty.

My heart sank.

Witchery?

So this dream … it’s pretty weird. All I know is when I woke up, I was drenched in sweat. I don’t know how long this actually lasted, but based on the sweat I imagine it was a WHILE. I don’t know if I had this dream because I have been listening to people in support groups who have been consulting in mediums / spiritual coaches. Our subconscious can take us on a mind trip!

I met a young woman while hanging out one day… she was intriguing, but something about her put me off so I decided to stay away from her.

She didn’t like that at all. She wanted my company and my willingness to accept her into my life. Psycho.

No thanks. I left her alone.

I somehow found myself in a Catholic monastery – like living there! No clue how that came about … but then again there’s a bit of family history in reference to this.

I didn’t have a bedroom. I had to sleep by the altar in the cathedral. The place honestly reminded me of the church they shot My Chemical Romance’s emo song “Helena”.

I met another young girl who was super nice and we looked out for each other – she oddly resembled a young Kirsten Dunst (Interview with a Vampire era). Yeah…. so here it goes.

As I was sleeping on one of the pews one night, I noticed one of the gargoyles “waking up” … yes, I started to freak out, but I didn’t do anything stupid. I just waited to see what would happen next.

The gargoyle flicked a ring at me – it was a gold ring and it was raw. When I say, “raw” I mean it was crudely made. The metal wasn’t smooth. It had a raw, uncut diamond and a pearl and both were set in an infinity setting. The thing was HUGE – it fit like the size of a quarter in my palm!

I didn’t want it. I didn’t trust it. On top of that I have been afraid of losing my own wedding/engagement ring. I immediately made sure these two rings were on me and in the process I almost lost them!

It was all in slow motion:
Almost lost my own rings while this monster ring was in my right hand
– I walked to the altar to place the monster ring there
– Secured my own rings back on my finger

Next thing I know I heard whispers … a particular voice. A woman with a vengeance. I knew who it was. I started to see ash in the air as if something was burning. I knew where to go.

I found the Kirsten-Dunst look-alike nun in her room. (why did she get her own room and I DIDN’T!?) She was smiling and chanting something. She saw me as I entered and got on her feet.

“My sister sends her regards.” Yeah – she ended up being Psycho’s little sister I guess.

“Tell your sister to stop this madness!”

“I can’t control her.”

“She’s evil … and you’re just helping her! STOP!”

“I can’t”

I lost it. I held her in a choke hold against the wall and said, “I will KILL you if you don’t stop her and if she has any love for you she WILL stop!”

Yeah … that’s when I woke up. Sorry. No epic ending. You could taste a fight in the air – whether it was with the younger sister or the witchy sis. I dunno. I tried.


I know … there’s plenty of room for interpretation. I get it and honestly, I welcome it. I think the first dream is about re-living similar moments and missing them. I let Das play his music pretty loud sometimes and I know Torey would have been annoyed as hell so maybe it’s his way of saying,
“Stop the nonsense!” Haha!

The second dream is all over the place. I know I worry about losing sentimental treasures, so obviously our wedding rings fall into that category. I’m too much of a heathen to join any monastery so that’s not happening at all. Symbolisms are there, I know.

I can’t share the third dream because I swear it’s worse than a True Blood episode! Let’s just say fairies and leprechauns in Mexico are involved – I wrote about it in my journal and I laugh every time I think about it. Torey would have loved to hear about this one!


Sometimes I wake up feeling like Torey’s been with me all night. Sometimes I don’t feel anything at all. I’ll take as many dreams as I can get to see and hear him again.


This was taken 7 years ago during Labor Day weekend – we were at The Owners Box in downtown Dallas.