Rambling Part I

I’m not even sure where to start. I thought I had it in me to write a poem about my feelings, but I don’t. I tried. Several times.

I suppose I just want to share the fact that there are random moments of some serious grief. It hits like a damn wrecking ball.

I always find myself asking, “Why the f*** did this even have to happen!?”

Tears are inevitable on a daily basis.

Moving on is something that’s just not possible right now.

I appreciate the love from family and friends – their concern is something I find comforting.

I’m sorry for not returning calls. I’d rather text/IM/email. Or ZOOM! haha! stark difference in preferences, right!?

I wish reality wasn’t the way it is … it’s just not fair and I can’t stand it.

I try to think about moving on and try to take a step into another direction but it’s just not in me.

I had a solo-trip planned to New Orleans next month (in honor of our 20th wedding anniversary as we had planned) – but I canceled it. I’m not ready. Too emotional and what’s the point of going when I know I’ll be more depressed than ever?

Plus … there’s CORONA-19 and I’ve been reading up on traveling with the pandemic and it just doesn’t make any sense to pursue the trip.

I really want to go to LA in December and spread some of T-Mitch’s ashes in the Pacific (as he wished), but it really depends on how this pandemic plays out the next few months. Plus Das’ baseball schedule – so far the schedule isn’t an issue so I guess we’ll see.

I miss him. Das misses him. You miss him. He was such a bright light. Like … you’ll never run into someone like him ever again. He was one of a kind – you can’t really compare him to just anyone.

Rest in Love, T-Mitch. Rest in Peace. Rest in Power. You are an amazing soul. Forever will you always be my one true love. Always. And as usual … I can hear you saying or texting, “Ditto, my love.”