Around This Time Last Year

While making spaghetti for dinner tonight I realized how long I had kept Torey’s last dinner he had cooked – which was spaghetti as well. Das and I didn’t eat it … we simply left it in the refrigerator for quite some time.

Finally, one day I realized the meal was still in there – probably a good two weeks later! A part of me wanted to freeze it, but after taking a look at it I could hear him say, “Come on now, ‘Nita … don’t. Just get rid of it.”

I broke down. I screamed. I yelled. I lost it. I ended up chunking out a ton of old food neither one of us had touched. We had lost our appetites and just nibbled here and there. Our freezer was packed with food given to us by so many people – a sweet gesture for sure, but we were running out of room and I was having a hard time keeping up with what was what and how old each dish was.

Our appetites are not quite back to normal, but I make sure Das is well fed. I try to do the same for myself, but I fail most of the time. Things just aren’t what they used to be.

T-Mitch LOVED to cook after working at Pappadeaux’s for a little while. His blackened catfish dish was incredibly good! I’d say his grilling skills were on point, too!


The Safe by Torey Mitchell

It’s been an agonizing year … I still have a hard time accepting losing T-Mitch. A whole year has passed. It’s just hard to believe sometimes and yet here we are in a life without Torey and with COVID. Talk about insanity!

I’ve had the chance to go through our belongings these past few weeks and came across journals he used to keep. He always wanted to put a rap album out or create documentaries / movies / videos. He has a ton of ideas and couldn’t wait to share with the world. I was able to put something together to share with you: his thoughts and creativity. It was a difficult process, but I’m happy to have done this for him.

“The Safe” is in the form of an e-book and will be available on Amazon as of 11.23.2020, however pre-orders are available today. If you knew Torey you’re going to love his insight and gain an understanding of his intentions/thoughts/desires. Much love and thank you for your support!


Desi Wings!

I got to hang out with Torey in my dream last night. He was in good spirits and made us (Das and I) laugh. He got hungry and before I knew it he was devouring some chicken wings! Of course, wings, right!? They looked like the desi wings I make which were his favorite kind… he was all smiles and I was so happy! The last few times I dreamt of him, he’s been in his Green Sox gear … I find that pretty amusing!

aNu’s Desi Wings. Ingredients include: tandoori seasoning, nutmeg, Indian chili powder, curry powder, ginger & garlic paste, lemon juice, salt & pepper

I haven’t woken up with a smile in nearly a year … until today. Thank you, Torey!


It’s Been a While …

Well … the one-year mark is approaching, and it’s been heartbreaking to even acknowledge this. It’s still so hard to believe Torey’s gone sometimes. I’ve been clearing out a storage unit he used for his recycling pickups. We eventually ended up in using it as our own storage unit and man this was an undertaking task! I don’t think he used it for the past 2 or 3 years because so much dust had accumulated over time. I was thankful I had my mask on when I opened the unit.

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I found so much stuff: baseball equipment, recycling bins, industrial toner cartridges (unused), old electronics, floppy disks … several other items I think he was waiting to see how these items can be re-purposed/recycled. Oh, and books. LOTS of books and DVDs. Half Price should be happy. Going through our personal belongings brought back a wave of emotions as the memories flooded in. I found stacks and stacks of photos from our time living in Houston during our 20s. I wish I could remember all of the names of the people we used to hang out with – Torey would have remembered their names! That’s the truth. People remind me that Torey would want me to “move on” … I don’t think that’s possible at all. I don’t think you can truly “move on” when you have lost your soul mate and best friend. What IS possible is you learn to live with this sentiment and challenge yourself to get through another day. It’s about finding a way to live with this intense grief, which feels like it’s never really going to go away. It can be very overwhelming some days while others are a little easier to get through. My heart doesn’t feel empty because my love for him is still stronger than ever. This won’t ever stop. In my grief groups I often hear about widows/widowers finding their “chapter two” and how it’s possible to make room for a new person in their lives. While that sounds hopeful, I don’t know if it’s even possible for me. I suppose I don’t want anyone to get that close to me anymore. I’ve been asked how Das and I will be spending November 20th. I’m not really sure to be honest. I know we’re going to spend the day together – Das wants it that way and I am grateful he asked for this. I’ve watched some monumental sports moments with Das and my new friends the past couple of weeks and I can hear Torey’s voice through it all. I can feel what he’d say or do … I’ll never stop loving him. Never. Ever. My only one true love in life. There are so many people I’m thankful for in this journey so far … I can’t name them all, but honestly most of them are the new people in my life. They’ve helped me to embrace laughing again. I appreciate everyone who checks on us. It’s a small group of folks and they know who they are…