Trigger Part 1

So I must admit … I wasn’t a big fan of Prince when Torey and I met and I blame that on my upbringing! My fam had deep seeded roots in support for MJ so I was led on a biased based mentality (no knock on my loved ones by the way!). The summer I met Torey TLC had released one of their biggest albums. I bought that album during the summer of 1995 (it was released in September of ’94).

One of my favorite tracks was “If I Was Your Girlfriend” – I loved the production, the sound, the lyrics and just about everything else!

After meeting Torey and discussing our musical preferences he let me know that song was a Prince cover song. I was floored. I had no freakin’ idea! It just let me know at the time of realization how much he had to share with me and for me to share with him.

T-Mitch used this song a lot to get through some moments in our relationship. I have to give him the majority of the credit for becoming the woman I am now. He understood me – he got me to my core. I’m not sure if this will ever happen again and I’m okay with this sentiment. At least it happened once. I can live with that. Das will know me better than the most of you – he already does in most ways, but not all.

I know I’m stubborn. I know I’m vulnerable. I am sad and depressed. I have a hard time being creative and I miss this part of myself. I enjoy the escapes I allow myself on a daily basis. I often wish it was me who left the world instead of Torey. I feel like he not only would have handled this better, but he also would have been MUCH more courageous in not feeling alone.

Loneliness is … well I’ve accepted it now. I’m over the wanting of companionship. I just want to live and that’s all I can do because of Das. Das is my universe. I will do what I can for him for as long as I can. Yes, all of this shit stemmed from hearing this song mentioned in this post. It’s pretty amazing what triggers your soul.

That is all. Good night.

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