Year number six. I wouldn’t say it’s getting better, but I do feel like I’m handling grief a bit better… and I’m finally embracing the fact that I’m allowing myself to feel happiness again. I also feel like his spirit is genuinely happy for me now. I used to have dreams filled with his discontent, and at the time I thought he was upset with me. But no… he wanted me to be okay, and I wasn’t for a long time. Now when I dream of him, there’s no discontent… just flashes of different moments in time, whether he was rockin’ the dreadlocks, the afro, or the bald head.
Self-reflection has made a huge impact on me, and honestly, it started with meeting new people. I’m much more outgoing than I was ten years ago, and the older I get, the more settled I feel in who I am. Torey will always be part of my DNA… my life with him shaped me. When I meet people who are clearly uncomfortable with that part of my story, I dismiss them. I don’t need that kind of energy in my life.
Before T-Mitch passed, I would’ve said I was about 70% introverted. Now I feel like I’m standing right at the intersection between introvert and extrovert. No, I’m not aiming to become 100% extroverted, but I’ve realized how much I relied on him socially. For years, I met people through him. Luckily, many of those genuinely good people are still in my life… but I’ve met even more on my own now and I have nothing but love for them! I thrive on this new part of my life. Quarantine definitely boosted this shift; being stuck at home staring at the TV was a whole vibe-killer.
One thing I’ve started sharing more is humor… especially with people I feel close to. Torey once told me he thought I was one of the funniest people he knew (yes, he was definitely biased). He even encouraged me to write a stand-up routine based on my life experiences. As I’ve gotten older, the idea of being on stage in front of people gives me anxiety, so I’ve avoided that path… but maybe one day I’ll write a memoir.
Oh – I got another tattoo and this one is a memorial one for T-Mitch: it’s a half monarch butterfly and a half hydrangea in the shape of a butterfly. A couple of friends gifted it to me on my last birthday – yes, literally on my birthday! Picture in the slide show below! I chose it because Monarchs meant so much to Torey — he even worked with Paul Quinn College to create gardens that supported their migration. And hydrangeas held a special place in his heart thanks to his loving Grandmother Charlotte.
Recently, sharing Dad Jokes with Das has become a daily tradition… one that trickled into sharing them with close friends, especially a coworker. Their reactions sometimes bring me to tears from laughing so hard (one time I popped my contact lens!). And this text with Das is the best of the best! (Sorry, Das, but I HAVE to share it… it’s officially going on my Best of 2025 list!!)
Truth be told I was crying laughing before I could even text the punchline!
I never win anything, and then I came across a social media ad from a local studio looking for women over 40 for a photoshoot. Not just any photoshoot… a boudoir photoshoot. I immediately remembered this was something I wanted to gift Torey for our 25th year together… not just married years, but our whole timeline. That would’ve put me in 2020… and well, life had other plans.
But this time? I won.
And I feel empowered.
I’m genuinely proud of myself, and I did it for me. I felt him there with me at the studio… felt him smiling at me. I even rocked one of his sweatshirts from 1995. The whole experience was incredible, and a huge shoutout goes to Alice, the photographer, and Sherry, the organizer at Marilyn Lou Photography.
And on that note:
Rest in love and endless peace, T-Mitch. Das and I miss you more than we can ever explain, but we’re still moving forward… exactly the way you always wanted us to. We carry you with us in everything we do. The struggle has been real in so many ways, but we’re still here, still growing, still laughing, still figuring it out… and still loving you through all of it.
Belligerent Gus 
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