Because… I Feel Like T-Mitch is Encouraging Me To…

I posted this sentiment on Facebook on 11.22.19:

I lost the love of my life on Wednesday, November 20, 2019. I cannot even begin to express the way I feel right now. It’s beyond being in a state of shock. It’s a constant wave of emotions and it’s hard to make sense of any of this. Torey was not just rays of sunlight – he was the sun. You couldn’t help but be drawn to his charisma and instantly know how good of a man he is. The moment we met was like magic – I know it sounds corny, but it’s true. We had something and we made sure to keep it – no matter how rocky the road got, we never lost our love for each other.

Then came Das and the both of us were on another level of life together. He sparked the baseball flame in Das and wanted nothing but the best for him to prepare Das for high school level of competition. Torey achieved this with blood, sweat and tears. Literally. He couldn’t WAIT to watch Das play this coming spring season of high school baseball… this saddens us even more – especially Das.

I literally could go on, but … it’s still just too much. Thank you all for your love, support and condolences. I apologize if I haven’t responded to any of your messages, comments or posts. I will soon. There are so many of you that I have to thank personally.

It’s with a heavy heart to share T-Mitch’s funeral arrangements:

The funeral service will be held at Berkshire Chapel, 9073 Berkshire Drive, Frisco, Texas, on Tuesday, November 26, 2019, at 4:00 p.m., with visitation prior to the service from 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m.

https://www.turrentinejacksonmorrow.com/obituaries/torey-mekhale-mitchell

Das and I have been going through so many emotions these past few weeks … I know many people are: family, friends, co-workers, business associates, numerous service industry people who saw T-Mitch as a regular, merchants, business owners, and so many various people from all spectrum of life.

I’ve had this URL for over 3 years … partly because this was one of his many nicknames for me. He knew me to my core probably better than any soul on this planet. Yes, I am extremely temperamental – sure, some of you know from a surface level, but T-Mitch knew me much more deeper than anyone else. Period.

Yes, he called me Belligerent (well because I was when we got into it … not to mention he was, too, but that was just part of our territory! Keep in mind we were never on an “on again and off again relationships during our 24+ years!) – and the “gus” part is an inverse of the first 3 letters of my middle name: Sugandhini (which means Graceful Fragrance in Telugu, a South Indian language).

I originally was going to start this blog to be a sounding board for other reasons, but now I’m compelled to share my journey during this time of grief. I’m looking for closure – we still don’t know the cause of death, yet, and this has been torturous… just trying to be patient.

Yes, I keep anticipating Torey to walk into the room at any moment … yes, I keep talking to him; yes, I keep smelling his clothes and sleeping with his favorite garment every night (an Old Navy denim shirt); yes, I can no longer sleep in the bed we shared for 24+ years so I sleep on an air mattress in the living room just to make sure I get any sleep; yes, I yearn to see him in my dreams – that’s the closest I can get to him right now and am grateful for when I’m awarded this luxury; yes, I feel like he talks to me when I need to hear him the most …. so many moments of longing for him … so many moments that I know he would have wanted to be a part of – especially in respect to Das’ experiences. This is the worst trauma ever. I don’t wish this upon my worst enemy.

I plan on sharing my thoughts in general soon – not just thoughts, but memories. I wasn’t as good as him with the way he was able to use the English language to describe his thoughts, but he always encouraged me to write. He said I was good at description and narrative writing. I’m just going to channel this as often as I can and see how this will help me. In turn, maybe it will help you, too.

Torey has always been:

• so full of love
• an amazing husband and soulmate
• an incredible and a proud father
• a true friend to those who mattered to him
• a philanthropist
• charismatic
• romantic
• inspiring
• joyful
• hilarious
• witty
• intelligent
• wary
• an eco-warrior
• and honestly …. so much more to so many!

I’ll come back and post again soon … I hope you can bear with me in this journey. I don’t mean to bring you down or be overbearing. This is my way of trying to move on. No one can ever compare to my man who I hold ever so dear to my heart and soul. Not only is he my soulmate but he also holds these titles in my book:

• my best friend
• husband (lover – duh!!!)
• father of my most amazing son
• all descriptions listed above
• an amazing friend to numerous people (especially his Uncle, a Sista from another Mista, a Friend From the Time They were in Diapers, a Baseball Bestie…. and so many more)
• A great older brother
• the oldest out of his siblings
• and honestly … so much more to so many!