Torey knew I was pregnant before I knew. He noticed I had thrown up three mornings in a row for no apparent reason… he said he noticed a few things physically about me (not listing details!). One morning while I was still asleep, he walked to the nearest store (we didn’t have a car at the time) and bought a pregnancy test.
He was sitting next to me after I woke up that morning, gazing at me ever so sweetly. I asked if something was wrong and he shook his head, “No.”
“I need you to take this for me,” he said as he handed me the opened pregnancy test.
“Wait… what!?” was my reaction, “Dude, you’re trippin!”
“’Nita, no … somethin’s not the same with you, please just go and see,” he said as he nudged me to the bathroom.
I went and I dreaded the outcome because I just wasn’t ready to handle any kind of news. I did my thing, stared at the test swab for what seemed like 10 minutes … and then there it was.
Torey was standing right outside of the door the whole time:
“’Nita … all good? What’s happening? Are you okay?”
I was in shock and all I could do was open the door with the swab still in my hand. He looked into my eyes with curiosity for a second and immediately took the swab from me … stared at it for a few seconds and hugged me.
Torey was beyond happy with the result! I was baffled because we were so broke at the time – I wasn’t sure how we’d manage this new addition in our lives! He was simply ECSTATIC! We laughed and hugged each other a thousand times that day. It’s … a sweet moment for me and one I will never forget.
By the time everything was official with the doctor I was actually 2 months pregnant when I took the at-home pregnancy test. Torey took such good care of me – he made sure every craving was met. I was on some NY Strip steaks with steamed broccoli, Indian dish (rice with yogurt and mango pickle), more Indian food, lasagna, pepperoni pizza with jalapenos, and not much sweets. Das made me crave salty food and surprisingly he likes all of the above except for yogurt, mango pickle and jalapenos – even though he LOVES spicy food! Go figure.
It’s hard to navigate my days without Torey – I miss being able to talk to him and to hear his opinions. This is so f***ing difficult! I’m losing it because Das is about to start his Junior year of high school tomorrow – I’m supposed to do this with Torey! Not alone! He was looking forward to these moments and I know he’s still a part of this, but it would be so much greater to just have him here.
This shit isn’t fair. Life is NOT FAIR. I don’t use the word “hate” lightly, but yes, I will use it now: I HATE this situation to the core. I want to fault the stars, the universe, the gods, and everything anyone considers to be in control of any of this. F*** it. F*** this.
I want him back – I had a dream where he DID come back. And … he wasn’t happy. I was. He wasn’t. He was upset because he had lost so much time to handle business deals and to handle his portion of our income. He was SO MAD! I just had to console him and tell him everything will be okay
In reality the man used to work even while he slept. I know. I was there. I could hear him talk out loud while he was sleeping/dreaming. There where times I used to wake him up and say, “Torey, honey … you gotta rest! Business can wait until tomorrow ….” He’d roll over and say, “Okay, Babe … I’m sorry.”
The wheels in his mind never stopped … He was restless, but he meant WELL. Das and I will always love him.
Miss you, T-Mitch…
On another note … I heard this song not too long ago and related… maybe you know her, too, and can tell me more?