Hardest Day So Far

My job allows us to work from home 4 days out of the month – something I have been grateful for. Today was the first time I was truly alone – I had to take the truck to the shop to get some things fixed so I couldn’t leave for a breather… it should be fixed by the end of the day tomorrow.

Sitting at home drove me crazy – it was too quiet. Before the tragedy, Torey and I shared our space on my work from home days. We both would work from home together, have lunch and just be productive. Of course I’d have my binge-worthy shows and he’d find himself interested in them and would always chuckle about how I was a bad distraction. I loved every minute of this … it hit me pretty hard today.

I wish I had taken more pictures and videos. There’s so much I would do different if I could. I talked to a counselor over the phone today and will be visiting another counselor on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. I’m also looking into Grief Support groups – I feel like he’s telling me to do this and I just want to make sure I’m okay for Das. I know it’s hard on him to even be in this situation, but he knows how close we all were better than anyone. He knows how much Torey and I loved each other… I know it’s hard on him to see me in this state of mind.

Das and I do our best to make each other laugh and go about our day to day …. I make sure to watch any sporting event or at least have it on because that’s what T-Mitch would do…. just trying to hang on to the things we always did.

He was beyond amazing. Torey was my everything and will always be. Did you know he was my first boyfriend? Yup. All my firsts were with him … all. of. them. Including this …

Heart is truly broken … we’re approaching the one month mark …

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